Ah, my heart just aches for you all. I sure hope she comes home soon or you at least get to go visit her in person. I feel so sad for you. I almost called you earlier, but I knew we'd both get to crying on the phone....that wouldn't be good. I'm praying for you and you're constantly in my thoughts.
I have waves of being okay and waves of crying. It depends what I am doing. Her memories are everywhere here. I even thought about calling you but I am no good on the phone. I did better when I was at work and my co-workers were saying goofy things to put a smile on my face, even from the other offices. My boss paid us a visit and I was able to pull it off without him knowing I'm a mess. Today my eyes show it.
today I have had all four cats come to me at one time or another and I am taking their pictures. And playing ball with them. And giving them treats. Smokey and Tux seem to be crying and hunting for her the most, they are her siblings. I have to pray they are strong enough to fight the virus if they already have it and there is no way of knowing until symptomatic. I have never heard of this virus until this week. I feel like things are not real. Sorry I am rambling now. I'll hit the send button.
You are not rambling. I completely understand how you feel. I've gone through this with Gus, but he has a rare liver disorder. He nearly died. He had yellow jaundice too. A white cat turning all yellow is a dreadful thing to witness. So, believe me when I tell you I understand. I got down on my knees and prayed and begged and made a deal....I know what you are going through.
I feel for the other cats too. I am sure they miss their playmate/sibling. It's rough on them too. I am sure when you go visit her and she sees you, she'll perk up. Take something with you that you can wrap her in and get her scent on. That way if you can't bring her home, you can bring it home for the other cats to smell and know she's alright. I hope and pray you get to bring her home and she's okay.